How the hell I got here

I just wanted to do what someone told me. I wanted to have tight boundaries around my creativity and make sure I put structures around to keep me coloring inside the lines. I am not an entrepreneur. At least, I've never wanted to be.

What lifted my chained head was… the entire year of 2020, my nearly 20-year marriage ending, cluster panic attacks, and my inner wounds regurgitating out of my soul. I was trapped on all sides. Just like I'd always liked. Then I died to my self, woke up, and got delirious. If I was gonna be crazy, then I had all the permission to completely release my mind.

I'd sit alone in my closet and simply let myself feel. I would shutter through anxiety – by imagining I was diving down in deep waters, taking deep breaths. Drowning, yet deeply breathing for the first time ever. My soul was teaching me to meditate. Wait… my soul?

Life became a series of wanting to dive deeper into who I am. A beautiful journey of falling in love with the flame inside. Life turned into a magical storybook arriving at my fingertips to decide how it was going to go.

Who is that beautiful observer who suddenly had compassion for the wrongs committed by all the Tashas I've ever been? When this me looks back, I love every ounce of every one of the women I never knew I was. I am the woman she dreamt of back in that closet when her world was on fire.

I’d created a life of containment because I didn’t trust my capacity to be free. 

Until I did. 

Suddenly I found myself in the vocation of teaching others how to... see themselves. I got to express the process as it was expressing itself through me. I got to be the messenger and the message, and it felt good. Easy. Like… me.

I’ve learned to balance the boundary and the flow. I have learned to feel them at the same time, and suddenly – life makes sense. I’m getting healthier. A message is ready to be expressed. The more I know myself, the more the words just tumble out.

I'm here. With a message. We're the pioneers. We're the leaders of today, raising the leaders of tomorrow while understanding it's all generated from an idea. I think that’s how the hell I got here.

Life is a dance. Creation is a dance. The way we interact with one another is a reflection of the way we interact with ourselves.

Written February 2024 – when I had no idea what October 2024 would have in store.