It's Friday, the kids are with their dad and the energy all day has felt surreal. Moments of lucidity, confusion, existentialistic, brain fog, anxiety, all of it. I've sat with myself and just feel things moving through.
Perspective. Overthinking.
Have I been exercising? Yes. Yoga? Somewhat. Meditation? Not really. Eating well? Sure. Missing my DM? Absolutely - not sure why. Know exactly why.
Smoked a joint.
Sat with myself. Asked what I wanted. Asked how deeply did I want to go, and I replied to myself, "As deeply as necessary for you to feel my presence." That's what self-love does. Sits with. Present with.
Why do I miss my (DM)? Was he ever mine? He is the muse. That man I once knew isn't. Why do I feel this so strongly? Why can I truly believe the dream is my dream? What audicaity do I have to dare to believe? I trust I know the magic, I'm just learning how to run this much energy. It's always a process of letting go.
I'm being faced to let him go. Again. And I will. Again.
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