She Writes Again! Again.

 For me, writing is a bit like the yo-yo dieting to get healthier. I know I should be doing it. Something deep inside reminds me that that the keys are my fingertips' home, but yet, well... you know. Things come up. Excuses get plentiful and everything other than the thing I should be doing are the things I do. It's easier to... not. 

Why? Maybe it's because I'm an external processor. Opening up my heart & mind through the tippity tap of the typing feels a little vulnerable. Maybe not too sure what's going to come out. Who's going to see it? I'm a bit altogether feeling exposed and unsafe. 

So, it's almost the middle of December of 2020. Nine months after COVID-19 really landed and began to proliferate on American soil. At first, it was scary. Hell, it's never not been scary. But the fear now is different than it was. Back when it first hit, everything stopped. We were all shocked & stunned. We turned to our loved ones, our families, we banded together and we hunkered down and dutifully did what the experts told us to do. 

But then people got sick of that. Article after article began to write about "quarantine fatigue" and "compliance fatigue". Conspiracy theories exploded. The summer was promised to get better with the warmer weather. It didn't. Holidays came & went. Numbers kept climbing. School went back to in-person learning. Then remote. Then in-person. Then remote. Churches opened. Then closed. Then opened again. So did restaurants, workplaces, movie theaters, and shopping establishments. Who knows what to do anymore. Stimulus checks and government relief. Unemployment and PPE. Numbers are still climbing. Quarantine is now something that seems like people only do when they've been exposed or suspect that they have been. Compliance fatigue is still rampant. So, for me, the fear is still here, but it's different. 

I've done the quintessential ENFP Enneagram Seven thing: pick up hobbies. Reading a ton of books. My choices have been neuroscience of all things and stumbled upon a mommy blogger turned author. Glennon Doyle's latest book, Untamed, is one that really struck me. I read one or two of her previous books... but I was only able to make it through the first 3 chapters or so before I stopped altogether and decided that I absolutely must purchase it. I'm sure I'll write about that one day. Other than that... unbeknownst to me, everyone had begun a sourdough starter. Whoops. So much for staying unique. I've kept with my working out... trying to self-teach myself to lift weights (with no information whatsoever, might I add). I'm just picking up these heavy things and putting them back down again. I am definitely stronger. I can feel it and see it in different areas. Stress eating to compensate. I've found meditation and am working on doing that each day. Ummmmm - what else. I don't know. I really do a lot of things when I'm sitting around doing nothing. 

The biggest thing that I've accomplished in these shitty nine months is to learn to listen to my heart and truly embrace self-care. I mean sheesh... is anyone killing it right now? Is anyone's marriage not affected? Are everyone's kids just loving life right now? 

I applied for a few work-from-home jobs, so we'll see how that pans out. But really other than that... that's that. I'll meet you back here soon enough.