So... you awakened. I know I know. We didn't know it was coming. We had no fucking clue. I still keep catching myself wondering when, how, who??? So, I'm gonna start at what's been pinging around in my mind. Also, my fingers are rusty from not typing so quickly - so, this will go smoothly.
I started realizing Jose wasn't... I wasn't... I slowed down and truly took a look at my life. Why wasn't it what I believed life could be? Why was I sooooooo - shamed? guilted? Had a few discretionary experiences that let me know something had to be done. Counseling continued.
Covid hit. Life was hell for me. We were all 5 under the same roof and it just didn't feel right. The marriage was dead, we were all playing roles. I couldn't live with myself if I taught my kids how to play roles instead of genuinely being and trusting they are worth their absolute bliss.
Divorce. Led by my heart. By my inner desire. It was deep... uncertain, but the most certain thing I've ever known.
Dating. Learning. A few lonely times. Distraction. Reading. Taking myself out. Then I met the man who I would later learn is the catalyst known as my Divine Masculine. (sent to eff me up, really. But I'm getting ahead of myself.)
For the first time, my heart fluttered and I thought I was having a panic attack. The whole date was amazing. He was amazing for our 5 dates or whatever. Most of our time was really on text/phone and literally - hanging out not very much at all. He got silent. I called his ass on it. We off again, on again for a while. We've not been on in QUITE SOME TIME. Even "on" is used loosely. He never overtly treated me badly, other than not being attentive and ghosting. He was always good, but never great.
It was the hardest thing to still want this man who treated me poorly. I barrelled into ALL KINDS of introspection. Inner healing. Loving myself Letting him go. Forgetting him. Dating others. Learning to allow myself to be loved. Being with all kinds of men. My DM always made his way back into my head and heart... and it wasn't even his doing. I thought I was absolutely fucking crazy so many times. SO MANY TIMES. The desperate woman has never been my story and this damn connection made me be the desperate woman. Yet, I couldn't hate myself for it either. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKED UP THAT IS.
I got to the space where I wanted him, but I would not chase him. I had so many rules, parameters, and expectations for if this man should want me. I let him stay wherever he wanted to stay... my head, my heart, anything. I couldn't force him away, so I better fucking learn how to have him around.
I tiptoed into Neville Goddard. And others? Manifestation. Abraham Hicks. (that one was really cool... I remember feeling kinda "led" to uncover Abraham Hicks. It was one of those inner whisper things. At some point or another, I realized I "woke up". I realized that I am not my thoughts. I am not my feelings. I am the observer of all. I found Christ consciousness. I saw The Bible for what it is, the story leading us all to our absolute truth. God. In us. I won't type all of that out - this is the twin flame journey.
Somehow Twin Flames dropped into my lap. I was a dog with a scent. The more I read the more I as stunned by what I was reading. I didn't get everything all at once because there is a lot of toxic spirituality and new age-y bullshit that really convoluted what the Twin Flame journey really is.
So - all of that, I wanted to type out what I understand it to be so I can get it out of my head.
There is "God" - The Universe. Source. My preferred term is "The Divine". It is whole & complete in itself (which is to suggest that there is a beginning, and there isn't - by nature of what it is.). This entity, as being ONE, bears both positive (+feminine) and negative (-masculine) energies as part of its unified whole. Pieces of itself were taken and incarnated on our planet. People
The nature of the planet is still representative of the The Divine WHOLE. There are always +/- energies. From molecular structures to the sun & the moon. All things are energy, and there is a proven formula that compromises energy. The movement of energy is energy itself. So +/- can't sit right by each other without a container. (enter = alchemical processes). The dense something is, the less room there is for energy - fuzzy here. The more something is earth-based, the more polarized it has to be. Fuzzy.
Women and men are two beings. +/- Adam & Eve. Different energies. They can co-exist - the healthier they are in themselves (high vibrational energy), the more they will co-exist without conflict. They will learn that everything they need, do, see, are is all within themselves. TRULY. From a spiritual perspective. The Divine Union would be completely pure polar energies (+/- Adam & Eve) that can coexist inside of a container (the Garden of Eden).
Because of the dense energy of the earth, we are lulled into unconscious behaviors. We are ruled by different parts of the polarization scale. Some are overly mind-identified(-masc energy) while others are overly feelings-identified (+fem energy).
A lot of wounding goes into living in such dense energy. We inflict lots of wounds on one another. We expect them to complete us, to make us feel peace, to heal all of the parts we're unable to see.
What a person chooses to do with that wounding (density) determines their level of healing. The more they heal those wounds, the lighter their energy bodies become. The more issues arise, the more you heal. So on & so forth. You never become complacent. You keep going. You get to a spiritual place where you are truly in bliss. Then you "die"... you pass from this earth.
When back up to the source this same soul has a choice to go back down in the density to be more of a representation of healing to the world. It's done a lot of work in previous incarnations. Likely very powerful person over multiple lives. The healing had to be continued by the free will of the incarnation. Which, by the way, has no conscious knowledge of this. It's all dependent on what that soul chooses to think and how it operates.
Eventually, a soul gets too energetic - too charged up - to be housed in one body. So, it splits in two. Similar to how God split himself, this spirit splits. Into a Feminine and Masculine who share a soul. This is rare. However, for the (now twin) soul to keep healing now is a literal union on its ascension to heaven. This generally isn't conscious knowledge. Those who are split twins may come into contact with one another. If they haven't, they sense something is up - but are kinda pushing it away. They decide "that's just life". They've made an assumption and blunted their own progress.
For those who have kept sniffing out their curiosity, have inevitably come into contact with their counterpart - AND THEY KNOW IT. I'll explain the "knowing" in a bit. Let me continue the energetic explanation and I'll share my experiences in a bit.
The initial contact is essentially a recreation of conception, the Big Bang theory, and the merging of +/- energy. Orgasm. Fire. The counterparts are FAR TOO POWERFUL to be together with anything impure in them. So, the BOOM - then the thrust apart. The separation has to happen. Unity is impossible because the container of the relationship cannot contain the combustion of the energy and any impurities.
Yet. The longing continues. The densities are hugely magnified by The Divine, and each counterpart has the free will to heal the aforementioned densities. The wounds of earth. The abandonment wound. The worth wound. The pride wound. Ego. Allowing death after death after death of the ego. The impurities of the ego must be burned in the fire of purification.
The twins are each doing this on their own. In mine & dm's case, I am aware that he is healing and I'm not sure his thoughts of me. He's not checking in on me, not I him. He's been very clear with what he needs and I am respecting that. Both actions are indicative of our respective healings. He's been more & more emotionally vulnerable with me and I've been more & more resting in myself, not chasing him, showing myself that I love me. I value me. I do want him. And used to get triggered when he would "abandon" me... he literally was made to have me face my impurity. The impurity is blaspheming the christ in me (Tasha - part of The Divine on earth), by saying I desired ANYTHING. Believing I was incomplete. So, by nature of energetics, my (-) soul counterpart couldn't be close in proximity to me. So, he abandoned.
I realized, the more I'm healing - the more I am in love with me. Absolutely. Hands down. For sure. But what's weird, is the more I love myself... the more he shows up. He is my masculine element. My masculine counterpart. The more I integrate my inner +/- energies into balance and equilibrium, the more I see and hear the DM. I cannot get this man out of my head. It's like he belongs there, and not by my choosing. I'm choosing now because I've realized that HE IS ME. The more I love me - the more I love him. The more I fell in love with Tasha, the more I began to love this man I am learning is my divine counterpart. He is me.
Crazy. I know. But wait. There's more. Because humans are +/- in each of them, they do have one that's more dominant to them. (Or, maybe just twins prefer one or the other? unsure, I'm just feeling this out right now live tweeting), The counterpart who most closely identifies to the (+) feminine energy leads in the energetic realm. There is less density there, it's the fodder of emotions. It's the nurturing, sensual, wise, receptive strong queen energy. When this counterpart is fully healthy in practice on earth, she's a Divine Feminine. Note, I said "fully healthy", not "perfect". Perfection is reunion to source; removal of all density.
To perceive energetic movement on earth, there must be a period to manifestation. Energy must be condensed in a way that it changes the pattern of matter. The counterpart who most closely identified to the (-) masculine energy leads in the physical realm. When this counterpart is fully healthy in practice on earth, you see a healthy balance of the +/- inner energies in its container which we call the Divine Masculine. It's the intense, structured, penetrating, protective, strong, yet tender energy.
When separated, the DF and the DM are still healing their wounds. Each must become Divine on their own. As the divinity within grows, they begin to remagnetize to one another. Each, being an alchemist of their own, then purifies their container of individuality and readies themselves for the container of unity... which we call a Divine Union.
The DF gets energetic knowledge first that they are twins, that they have a purpose, and that they are on this journey. Part of her healing is to allow herself to trust The Divine and allow things to be as they energetically already are. If she seeks the thing for which she's searched her entire life, then she realizes loving herself is the only way. She must submit to her inner DM which protects her. She needn't try to find fulfillment of the (-) aspect in anyone else, because she's realized its already in herself.
The DM will learn all of these as well, but not at the same time as the DF. Since he leads the physical realm, we now are subject to time and space. The density of the earth creates new dimensions through which we have to navigate as energetic beings. As the DF enters her process and releases control - which is a natural result of her balancing her inner +/- energies - the DM is then given space to enter into his process of balancing his inner +/- energies. This happens in every area of a person's life. Physically, mentally, spiritually, relationally, all of it.
This takes time. And trusting that divine timing. And trusting yourself.
When they have reached whatever point that each is fully healthy internally they create a holy remake of the initial contact. The DM will initiate contact penetrative energy which then is a striking recreation of human conception. It's the big energy again - the Big Bang theory, the merging of +/- energy. Orgasm. Fire. The counterparts are INCREDIBLY POWERFUL together. So, they create another BOOM of blessing to the earth in their commitment and dedication to the earth. Living In Mission.
The container (relationship) can hold the purified energies +/- (Divine Feminine/Divine Masculine) in the container of a Relationship. The person doing the purifying action in the midst of a fire is an Alchemist. (Daniel in the Lion's Den.) It purifies anything it encounters. It is an ancient process educated to us by other incarnations of The Divine, but this was back in Ancient Egyptian times - folklore. The ancients knew what we've become too intellectually competent to remember.
Where am I on this journey? Learning how to live my mission. He's doing whatever he's doing. Well aware of me. It's all inside for him. He knows who I am. He's communicating with me. I'm all over his dreams. He's now energetically experiencing me the way I was him. There's the process. I began it energetically and is now living it physically. He's living it energetically and is still tending to whatever 3D - irl healing needs to be done. Whether that means cutting with people, mending old wounds, creating structure, or anything and everything that purifies.
More will come. I'm just super tired.
